This is me alone... (final post)

There was no Wednesday.

You can't keep fire contained for long. It will flicker while you watch, waiting for it's moment to burst into flames, scorching the earth and destroying everything in its way. I've been sucking in and spitting out the charred remains of everyone and everything in my path these last couple weeks and it feels good to know that I still have the power. I tried not to destroy you, but it's hard to control a savage beast.

This battle you're fighting will never be won. I will not be contained, because I've decided that's who I want to be. I am the 2 percent that you speak of.           (I'd say it's even smaller.)

This is me alone... (I've lost count 2)

I sat outside my house, with the garage door down, so I could just be alone, and smoked a cigarette. It was nice, but I realized something...

I was talking about the "game" the other night. I understand now why I keep guys around, as friends. I've always thought I was independent; and honestly I am, but I'm keeping connections because I love to be wanted. I want to be the girl wanted by everyone. I want to be the girl you need around when you have something exceptional to say. And I'll be that.

It's my journalistic instincts coming out in me. I get to talk to everyone and get a little piece of who they are, and then when the job is done you keep into contact just in case you need them one night, but you're nothing more than the girl that got away. The girl they'd make out with, but never get attached to. A journalist is always a "friend with benefits."

This is me alone.. (I've lost count.)

No guy wants a girl like me. Unless they're idiots; and most are, but only once. They'll be a part of your game, the game you play so well, only once.

And this is the game: Guys are like barbies for little girls. Like a mermaid barbie, whose hair changes colors underwater. You have to have it, and when you get it you play with it constantly for months. But then, mermaid barbie deluxe edition comes to the toy store shelves and this barbie not only has hair that changes color underwater, but also can be wound up and swim by herself. Now, of course old mermaid barbie gets tossed into the ghetto with short-haired naked barbies, and the deluxe edition mermaid barbie now receives all the attention, because she's new and different and offers more delight.

I said months, but with better, stronger and faster technology it's becoming merely weeks before the new turns old.

Forgive us little girls.

Love is impatient and totally absurd

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
This cliche bible verse makes my stomach quiver, as if it might throw me into a fit of dry heaving. If this is love, my friends, then love, there is none.

EXAMPLES TO COME

Is it protection or jealousy? Trust or denial? Hope or again denial? Preservation or selfishness?

This is me alone.. (8)

I can feel when you're not thinking of me. You weren't last night.

The feeling tugs at my heart
crushing through bones
and tearing through skin,
Until it falls to the floor
attached by only one artery.

There on the carpet
I  see it softly beating still.

I should call you.

If you say yes
it will be pulled over the edge of the bed
soaking up the bloody mess like a sponge.
There will be no trace of a heart attack.

But if you say no
the artery will be severed
and I'll have a big mess to clean up tomorrow.